Rollercoaster/Transcript

(Scene opens up with the camera zooming into the backyard. Phineas and Ferb are sitting under a tree, bored.)
Phineas: So, Ferb, what do you wanna do today?
(Ferb shrugs.)
Phineas: What about Perry? What does he want to do?
(Perry chatters)
Phineas: Well, he's a platypus. They don't do much. I, for one, am starting to get bored, and boredom is something up with which I will not put! The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is "what did we do over summer?". I mean no school for three months! Our life should be a rollercoaster! And I mean a good rollercoaster, not like that one we rode at the state fair.
(Flashback on a rollercoaster at the state fair. It goes over one tiny hill then ends.)
Fair Worker: Please exit to the left.
(End flashback.)
Phineas: Man, that was lame. Why, if I built a rollercoaster, I would- (Gets idea) That's it! I know what we're gonna do today!
Linda: Phineas, Ferb. I'm gonna go pick up a few things. You boys stay out of trouble, okay?
Phineas: Okay, Mom. (At Ferb) We're gonna build a rollercoaster!

(Linda gets into the car; Candace comes over.)
Candace: I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge?
Linda: Relax, Candace. Nobody has to be in charge.
Candace: But what if there's an emergency?
Linda: Like what?
Candace: What if a. (gasps) What if a satellite falls out of orbit and crashes into the house? (smiles)
Linda: If that happens, you're in charge.
Candace: Yes!

Candace: (enters into the backyard) Mom says I'm in charge, conditionally.
(Phineas and Ferb are working on something with drafting tables.)
Phineas: (not listening) Whatever.
Candace: Wait a minute, what are you doing?
Phineas: Homework.
Candace: It's summer.
Phineas: That's cool. You wait till the last minute then.
Candace: Well, I'm watching you. (Goes through the door) And I'm in charge, conditionally!

(Candace walks into the house and the phone rings, which she answers.)
Candace: Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy! No, I can't go to the mall right now. Mom just went to the store, she left me in charge, well, you know, conditionally.
(Phineas and Ferb walk past with lots of wooden planks.)
Candace: Oh if you go, can you see if Jeremy is there? No, no, he's the cute one that works at Mr. Slushy Burger.
(Phineas and Ferb walk past with steel beams.)
Candace: Yeah, he totally smiled at me last time I was there. I just about died. No, I told you I can't. I'm watching my brother and stepbrother.
(Phineas and Ferb walk past with sinks and toilets.)
Candace: Yeah, and they never get into trouble ‘cause Mom never catches them. One of these days though, I'm going to see to it that she catches them red handed.
(Phineas and Ferb walk past with a flamingo and a lion that roars loudly.)
Candace: Will you hold it down?! I am trying to use the phone! (at Stacy) Mom left me in charge, so there will be no shenanigans today. What are they doing right now? Why do you ask? What do you mean you can see it from your house? See what?!

(Candace runs out to the backyard and stares in shock upon seeing the rollercoaster.)
Candace: Phineas, what is this?!
Phineas: Do you like it?
Candace: (gets angry) Ooh, I'm gonna go tell Mom and when she sees what you are doing, you are going down! (runs off) Down, down, down! D-O-W-N, down!
(Phineas and Ferb look blankly while she walks away.)
Phineas: We're gonna need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter.

(Candace takes her bicycle and rides away.)
Isabella: Hey, Candace, is Phineas. home?
Candace: Down, down, I say!

(Isabella walks into the backyard.)
Isabella: (hearts in eyes) Hey, Phineas.
Phineas: Hey, Isabella.
Isabella: What'cha doin'?
Phineas: Building a roller coaster.
Isabella: In your backyard?
Phineas: Some of it.
Isabella: Wow. Isn't that kind of impossible?
Phineas: Some might say.
Isabella: Hey, Ferb.
(Ferb waves with the hammer.)
Isabella: Does your stepbrother ever talk?
Phineas: Ferb? He's more of a man of action.
(Ferb hits the nail and then his nose.)
Isabella: I was gonna go to the pool, you wanna go swimming?
Phineas: Kind of in the middle of something here.
Isabella: Oh, right. Okay, I'll see you later then. (leaves)
Phineas: Okay. (at Ferb) Hey, Ferb! You got enough rivets up there?
(Ferb gives a thumbs up showing they have rivets.)
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry walks around the corner of the house. He jumps up, puts on a fedora and walks into a hole in the wall. He goes down a lift into a lair, where he gets an incoming message.)
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons unknown to us, he bought up 80% of the country's tinfoil. I want you to get over to his hideout right away. Find out what he's up to and put a stop to it. As always Agent P, it is imperative that your cover identity as a mindless domestic pet remains intact. Now, get out there. We're all counting on you.
(Agent P jumps into a platypus-themed hovercraft, and flies tough a tunnel. He leaves through a stone and holds his fedora down to hide from Phineas and Ferb.)
Phineas: So, the way I see it, the solid fuel rockets kick in at the mall's parking lot, then we release the snakes during the corkscrew around the interstate. I'm gonna go get the snakes.
(Ferb puts on his mask and starts using the blowtorch.)

(Candace runs into the store to see Linda)
Candace: Mom! You gotta come home, right now.
Linda: Did a satellite crash into the house?
Candace: No, no, no. You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.
Linda: Seems like we've had this conversation before.
Candace: What do you mean?
Linda: I seem to recall you telling me that the boys were training monkeys to juggle bicycles, and when I come home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys.
Candace: I still don't know how they cleaned that up so fast.
Linda: So, what's the emergency this time?
Candace: They're building a roller coaster!
Linda: Candace, seriously, isn't Phineas a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?

(Phineas talks to a man in a car factory.)
Factory Manager: Aren't you a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?
Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am.
Factory Manager: Well, I must say, I'm very impressed, the forms all seem to be in order, although I've never seen them filled out in crayon before. So, if there's anything I can get you, anything at all, just let me know.
Phineas: Do you think we could borrow one of those gadgets?
(A robot arm fixing a car is shown)

(Phineas and Ferb are riding the roller coaster that builds by the robot arm.)
Phineas: Now, this is the life.

(The camera zooms in on Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.)
(Agent P swings into the building)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED!
(Doofenshmirtz presses a button, which activates arms that grab Agent P.)
Doofenshmirtz: I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tinfoil, and when I put my giant magnet, next to my ingenius, Magnetism Magnifier, I will pull the East, in westerly direction, thereby reversing the rotation of the Earth. You may well ask yourself, why would he do this? What could he possibly have to gain? Well, let me just answer that by saying I haven't really worked out all the bugs yet. I mean, you know, tinfoil alone cost a lot.

(Back at the store.)
Candace: But, Mom, I'm telling you, they're building it, and it's huge!
(Ferb puts up a poster, Candace comes over to read it.)
Candace: "Phineas and Ferb present the Coolest Coaster Ever now open"? Mom! (runs off)
Pedro: Phineas and Ferb got a roller coaster? You think we get a discount if we bring the flier?
Dimitri: Maybe we better take it.
(They take it with them just as Candace brings Linda over.)
Candace: (Gestures toward the empty post, head turned away) There, look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy, I told you!
Linda: (dryly) And you're not crazy because.
(Candace turns toward the post where the poster was and screams.)
Linda: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be in the dairy section if you wanna come yell at some cheese, or anything. (leaves)

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house, where the start of the coaster and a stage is. Ferb lets the kids into a tent and walks onto a stage up to the microphone as if he's about to speak, then steps out of the way as Phineas comes up. He grabs the microphone as disco lights shine and rock music plays.)
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making: The Coolest. Coaster. EVER.
(Ferb pulls a rope to reveal the coaster. The camera pans up to its top. A bird files into it and falls.)
Phineas: So, who wants to go first?
(The bird lands behind Phineas. Everyone raises their hands.)

(The kids are now on the rollercoaster. Phineas provides safety instructions while holding a safety belt.)
Phineas: To fasten, insert the tab into the metal buckle. To release, just pull back on the— (drops the belt) Oops. Well, you get the picture. Well, that's about it. Enjoy the ride.
(The car goes over the top, and stops, viewing the long drop.)
Phineas: You all signed the waivers, right?
(The car quickly drops as everyone screams. It goes through loops, hairpin turns, and a corkscrew, then a load of rubber snakes drop on it.)
Phineas: Relax, they're just rubber!
(The car goes into a bucket of mud, then exits and gets cleaned through a car wash.)
Phineas: Hey, look, here comes the AH-AH-AH-AH!
(The track goes through tracks resembling four "AH"s, causing the car to go up and down repeatedly. The car zooms around the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building.)

(Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.)
Doofenshmirtz: . When I really make all my money back, I-I-I could buy a bunch of east-facing real estate, and sell it again with a-
(Agent P sends a screw at Doofenshmirtz, which he ducks for.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! You missed!
(The screw flies to the roof and hits a line, which throws it back at Doofenshmirtz's foot.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aaaoow!! Ow, Ow, Ow, Aaooww!
(Doofenshmirtz jumps around and accidentally releases Agent P, who quickly punches him. The two fight each other with wrenches, then Agent P hits Doofenshmitz's foot.) Aaaoow!! (Doofenshmirtz rolls a battery cart into Perry, who jumps over it, causing the cart to fall outside through a window. Doofenshmirtz then pulls a lever.)
Doofenshmirtz: Now you are too late! (The top of the building opens, then the Magnetism Magnifier activates) Quake in your boots and watch helplessly, as the unimaginable electromagnetic forces pull the eastern seaboard, thereby reversing rotation of the-
(All the tinfoil releases from the buildings)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, that didn't work.
(The tinfoil forms into a giant ball, flying through the air)
Doofenshmirtz: And now, we have a two-ton ball of tinfoil traveling 200 miles an hour directly at us! Quickly! We must separate the magnet from the Magnifier before it's too late! (Doofenshmirtz and Perry run to the Magnifier and attempt to separate the magnet from it.)

(At the store)
Linda: Now I know I have that club card in here somewhere. I always have it with me, but my purse is such a disaster area, you know how it is.
(Candace goes outside and sees the coaster)
Candace: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom! Mom! (She rushes off.)

(Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building)
Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use! We are doomed!
(Agent P sees a helicopter. He jumps onto the magnet and fires a grappling hook at it. He quickly wraps some of the rope around the magnet. The helicopter flies off, taking the magnet with it.)
Doofenshmirtz: You did it! You saved us, Perry the Platypu- (The tinfoil crashes through the building.) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
(The magnet pulls a piece of the Magnetism Magnifier onto it, and gets stuck on the coaster, which begins to rumble as it follows the helicopter.)

(Candace pulls Linda into the parking lot.) Candace: Look, look, look, see?
(The coaster gets lifted by the helicopter just before Linda looks.)
Linda: (pause) Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at?
Candace: (turns to see the empty parking lot) No!! It's not POSSIBLE.
Linda: (going back inside) I'm gonna go get the cart.
Candace: IT WAS RIGHT HERE AND IT WAS HUGE. (sees the rollercoaster fly away) MOM!
Linda: (walks past, taking her cart) Time to go. I've got frozens.
Candace: Okay, so you think that Phineas and Ferb are still under that stupid tree in the backyard, right?
Linda: Well, yes. That would be my guess.
Candace: Fine, then let's go home now! (She pushes the cart.)

(Agent P sees that the helicopter is smoking and cuts the rope. He drops down onto the coaster and in the cart, right behind Phineas and Ferb.)
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.
(Perry, now in pet mode, chatters)
Phineas: Nice hat, Isabella.
(Isabella takes off Agent P's fedora and looks at it, confused.)
(The car goes to the end of the track and flies onto a construction area, then a crane flings in into the air.)
Phineas: Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprints.
(An airplane picks up the car by the tail)
Phineas: And I'm sure this is new.

(Candace sees the airplane from Linda's car and giggles maniacally.)
Linda: I worry about you sometimes, Candace.

(The coaster car drops down and onto the Statue of Liberty, which bends and throws it to Mount Rushmore, where it makes loops inside Theodore Roosevelt's glasses then flies again. It lands on a pine tree that bends so they end up in front of a Mr Slushy Burger stand.)
Jeremy: Welcome to Mr. Slushy Burger. May I take your order?
Phineas: Anyone want fries?

(Before taking any orders, the tree bends back and throws them to Paris, where they land on the Eiffel Tower, which bends so they end up in front of a croissant stand.)
French Man: Croissant?
Phineas: Anyone want a. (French accent) "croissant"?

(Before taking any orders, the Eiffel Tower bends back and flings the car into space. A satellite flies by.)
Phineas: You know, if that thing crashes to Earth, Candace is in charge.
(The car suddenly falls down to Earth towards the Tri-State area. The front of the car begins to burn like a meteor.)
Phineas: We should have charged more.

(Linda pulls the car on the driveway and Candace jumps out.)
Linda: Okay, we're here. Are you happy now, Candace?
(Candace, giggling maniacally, opens the gate to the backyard and doesn't see Phineas or Ferb.)
Candace: Yes! (At Linda) See, Mom? I told you they weren't there!
(Candace gestures toward the tree with her eyes closed while leaves rustle. Linda pokes her head through the gate opening and smiles.)
Linda: Oh, hi, boys.
(Candace opens her eyes and her mood changes to shock; cut to under the tree where Phineas and Ferb are suddenly there.)
Phineas: Hi, Mom.
Linda: Come on Candace, help me with the groceries. (goes off)
Candace: But, but, but, but, but, but, but. (Continues under)
Linda: (comes back) Let's go. (pulls her away)

(Kids drop down from the tree.)
Kid: Hey Phineas, that was great.
Pedro: Way too cool.
Third kid: That was awesome! Can we do it again?
(Scene cuts to show the coaster burning on top of the tree.)
Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer.
Isabella: (coming down from the tree) That was great, Phineas. So, what are you gonna do tomorrow?
Phineas: Don't know yet.
Isabella: (pets Perry) Maybe you can teach Perry some tricks.
Phineas: Well, he is a platypus, they don't do much.
Ferb: They're the only mammals to lay eggs.
(Pause)
Phineas: . Maybe he'll lay an egg.
Isabella: Cool. See you tomorrow. (goes to the gate) It really was the coolest coaster ever. You guys make a great team.
Phineas: Well, a brother is a brother, but I couldn't have asked for a better one than Ferb. You know what I mean?
(Ferb burps)
Phineas: Oh-ho-ho, man! I could smell the peanut butter!
Isabella: Well, that was impressive. See you, guys. (leaves)

Phineas: So, what should we do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities. Maybe we should make a list!
(The coaster car explodes in the tree, a car alarm and a dog barking can be heard.)
Candace: (from inside) Mom!!
Linda: (from inside) Give it a rest, Candace!
(The tinfoil ball rolls in the background.)

End Credits [ ]

(Song: "Perry the Platypus")
Male Singer: ♪ He's a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action ♪
Backing scat: ♪ Dooby dooby doo-bah ♪
♪ Dooby dooby doo-bah ♪
Male Singer: ♪ He's a furry little flatfoot, who'll never flinch from a fray. ♪
♪ He's got more than just mad skill, ♪
Female Singers: ♪ Wah-ah-ah ♪
Male Singer: ♪ He's got a beaver tail and a bill ♪
Female Singers: ♪ Ah-ah ♪
Male Singer: ♪ And the women swoon whenever they hear him say: ♪
(Perry chatters, women faint)
Male Singer: ♪ He's Perry! Perry the Platypus! ♪